More often than not lately, I wonder if this is all worth it. Getting to where I want to be both fitness- and talent-wise takes a lot of dedication and sacrifice. Here's a quick synopsis of the past few days:
Friday - Get home from work at 6, ride till dark.
Saturday - Spend 5+ hours working on the bike and getting it ready for race day.
Sunday - Leave the house at 5, drive 2.5 hours, race, drive 2.5 hours, home at 9.
Monday - Tear bike down and clean it up.
Tuesday, spend 3+ hours installing my Yoshimura doohickey.
So I spend a ton of time, arguably the majority of my time outside of work, doing something moto-related. And is it worth it?
Is it?
I bought this house last year and it's a bit of a fixer-upper. But since I spend all my time and money on the bike, the house is just as shitty as the day I bought it. And I'm reminded of it every time I get home. It's an embarrassment, to be honest - I look at my shithole and think about what people who drive by or stop in must be thinking. Every damn day that I come home I ask myself if this is worth it.
Is it?
On top of the shitty situation that is my life, I have this constant sense of hurry-the-fuck-up all the time. I'm constantly prepping and planning and getting ready for race day. And it permeates everything I do, to the point that it really wrecks my personal life. I mean I'm closer to forty than I am to thirty, and I spend my weekend battling with a bunch of young kids made out of rubber, in a sport that I've never been any good at.
So what are the positives? Well, I'm in the best shape I've been in in probably five years. Every day I get a little stronger and a little more confident. I feel better about myself and I actually have a sense of purpose. If it wasn't for riding I'd probably be obese and spend all my time on the damn computer (Irony's a bitch).
But days like today, I just don't know.
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